Mo_Cushla's Xanga

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 15:03:32 GMT

okay. whew. hi everyone. contrary to belief, i have not fallen off the face of the earth or quit going to Hosanna or anything like that. i am generally too busy to post on xanga anymore for one (40hrs of work per week and a full course load) but more than that there have been some things going on that i should have had you all praying about already. i am very bad at that....it's not that i don't think that having everyone pray is important, i know that it is. it's more that i get so caught up in whatever is going on that i just forget to involve other people. anyway. please pray for my sister Naomi and her husband (jon) and my family in general. Naomi is pregnant with her second child and about 3 weeks ago she went to have a sonogram done to determine the baby's gender (it's a little girl) and during the sonogram they told her that it appeared that the baby's (Brianna) brain was not developing at the rate that it should be. we knew that it wasn't anything that they routinely test for because all of those results had come back negative. so...they scheduled an appointment with a specialist in knoxville and she went (she has also now already been back there twice and to a specialist in nashville as well as countless visits to her OBGYN). to make this short, Brianna has some extremely rare condition, the name of which i can never remember, and it is a defect in the 13th chromosome that causes severe facial deformities and more importantly, causes the hemispheres of the brain to not split. meaning that there is one large mass instead of a functioning brain and she has no brain activity whatsoever. if Naomi carries her to term, she will give birth and Brianna will just die unless she is immediately hooked up to life support in which case she could live for a year at best in a vegetative state. the doctors are encouraging Naomi to allow them to induce labor (she is about 5.5 months now) and go ahead and give birth and allow the baby to die. i won't go into what our family's individual views are as i kinda think that is private, but either choice is atrocious. Naomi is understandably a mess and had finally been given meds for depression and it is just generally a mess. we left as a family and went to my granny's the last two weekends and have just been talking and praying and all that. i don't know how exactly to ask you all to pray......but cerainly pray for strength and clarity and peace for everyone in this situation. especially for my sister who, for those of you who don't know much about her, does not always have a realistic, rational process of thought in NORMAL situations. (ie, she is a drama queen.lol.) we appreciate all of your prayers and i will keep everyone posted.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 00:32:00 GMT

I just wanted to tell everyone who has been praying for me that #1) the "medical stuff" all checked out great (praise God!) and #2) I took a stats. test on Friday and got a "C" which I usually wouldn't be happy with but with this class i'll not only take it but I LOVE it!!!! Thank you everyone for your prayers. Have a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 03:38:52 GMT

For those of you who do not know, I am taking some classes at ETSU this semester one of which is "Statistics in Criminal Justice". It is quite simply horrific. I'd appreciate your prayers that I will actually be able to get my mind around this mess. Thanks everyone! :)

added on Sunday: also be in prayer for me in regards to some medical issues.....nothing too big, i just ask for your prayers. Thank you and be blessed!!!!!!!!!! S

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 19:20:26 GMT

Over the last few months I have been blessed to be in the midst of a "teaching time". These teachings are all from the Lord, some directly in conversations and prayer with Jesus and some through people Jesus has blessed me to know or who have simply crossed my path.These last three of four weeks have especially been an awesome time for me.I have really been earnestly praying the will of God in my life and in the lives of others and promising the Lord that with His help, I will not bury my head in the sand and be defeated if His answer is "no" or "wait". Instead, for once, I promise to just keep walking even if it hurts.Even if i'm discouraged and tired and lonely.With His help I have been able to break through a real, lifelong barrier in this realm and have been blessed with an abundance of peace and joy and assurance because of it.It has been amazing and I pray (and ask for your prayers) to continue to just walk and strive to serve God and know His will in my life no matter what happens....or does not happen.But this post is really about the faithfulness of God to honor His promises and to honor us for devotion to His word and His will.There is a friend of mine who has taught me a great deal over the last year (i'm sure he doesn't even know it).He has been through a trial and has repented and believed and prayed and cried out for God to break and heal.When my friend was first begining to go through this, I was angry and then skeptical and then annoyed at his refusal to "just let go and move on".And then this past November I had a couple of conversation with him that touched me so deeply that it was like an epiphany and I did an about face and began to pray for him and his situation in earnest in the same way that he was praying and to really cry out for God to HEAL and bring about His will.Today I went to church and this friend walked in and I was so glad to see him and hug him and then HE looked at me and said "I got my wife back.Well, I didn't but God did."And something inside me broke and I fought off weeping the rest of service...partly because I am overjoyed at the happiness in my friend's eyes and partly because God is so so so very faithful to restore and to answer the cries of our hearts and for me it was further testament to the fact that when we let go of our pre-conceived ideas,that are only born of hurt and rejection and sin anyway, and REALLY TRULY pray the will of God in our lives and in the lives of those around us amazing things happen!!!And I know that just as God was (IS) faithful to bring about His will and His plan in my friend's life, He will also be faithful to bring about His will and plan in my own life if I remain surrendered to His purpose and time.He will either give me the desires of my heart or take away the desire.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 16:26:27 GMT

i used to get angry a lot. i still get frustrated or annoyed or whatever, just like anyone else in the world, but for me to get angry like i used to it takes something big. (which is a good thing) yesterday i got angry and this is why. anyone who i talk to with any regularity will know that i have met two ladies through my job who are Mexican and whose documentation may or may not be "valid". i have had an enormously hard time finding anyone to help these ladies even though i met them both in a DV shelter and they were (are) definitely in need. the last two months has been an education for me in the way of immigration and the injustices doled out to people who are living in this country but are not of American birth. (let's not forget that at it's conception, America was a haven for immigrants...if you are not of pure Native American lineage, don't feed me the line about others coming into "your" country. we are all, at some point in our history, immigrants) but i digress. the reason i got so angry last night was because one of these ladies has a gorgeous, sweet 16yo daughter and this daughter came home from school (Science Hill) and told us about her history class for the day. they had been discussing immigration in the United States and the teacher of this HS class began talking about Mexicans and how they come into our country and rob us and kill people and take our land and are all lazy and on welfare and are just a liability to honest Americans. this was all said in an open classroom of impressionable teenagers at least one of which is very obviously Mexican. so this young lady, who by every normal HS standard would be Miss Popularity if she were white and didn't speak in broken English (i.e. pretty, nice, 3.7 GPA), had to sit there in a room of her peers who KNOW she is Mexican and listen to her teacher degrade her people and her culture and HER! this young lady is already convinced that Americans hate her due to past events like two boys setting her ponytail on fire on a school bus and now that belief is just further enforced as is any inkling of prejudice that already existed in any of those other teen's minds. i wanted to march right down there to that school and throw a fit! i wanted to demand that teacher offer me an explanation! but i am not her mother and it is not my place (at least not in that direct a way) and it leaves me feeling ANGRY and helpless and with the desire to round up all the Alexandra's of this country and apologize to them and beg their forgiveness for the harsh, unfeeling, hypocritical way that my country and some (a lot) of people in it treat them! i know we have to be careful, i know these are different times but the way in which we treat people, the way in which we are COMMANDED to treat people, should not change. i entreat any of you who read this to be conscious of what Jesus teaches us in way of treating others the next time you come across a person who is obviously not "from here" and who doesn't speak your language so well. and think about how you would like to be Alexandra's mother sitting there on your couch listening to your little girl tell you about her day at school with tears in her eyes.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 05:39:23 GMT

I like Katies and Gins (and Joshs:) and Riesling and Vince Vaughn......among other things. OH! and wedding shower magazine cutting out sessions. lol.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 03:45:57 GMT

"Let my soul praise You; And let Your judgements help me." Psalm 119:175

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 21:16:55 GMT

this morning i woke up full of peace.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 14:07:36 GMT

"My joy and the lifter of my head, my joy and the lifter of my head. For Thou oh Lord are a shield for me. My joy and the lifter of my head! I cried unto the Lord with my voice, I cried unto the Lord with my voice! I cried unto the Lord with my voice and He heard me out of His holy hill. Selah!"

I can remember singing that song in church when I was a little girl and today I was(am) feeling sad and weary and lonely to my core and that song began playing in my head. One of the meanings of the word Selah is "to lift up or to exalt". Lift up my head Father and bless me to exalt You forever.

addition at 1244:

yesterday i bought the new Chris Rice CD and it's all good but i bought it for this one song called "When Did You Fall?" i love it and i feel that anyone of the female persuasion, and even some of the male persuasion, will find it delightful. buy it for 99 cent online and listen. :)

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 16:50:09 GMT

"It is for this reason that we exist. This reckless caring." Dean Koontz in "Intensity".

Obviously that is NOT the main reason we exist. We exist to bring glory to His name....to serve our Lord in whatever way He would have us to. But I think maybe a big part of that IS reckless caring. Caring for people with abandon. Turning a blind eye to our wants and comforts in order to afford someone we profess to love (or even someone we don't know) some measure of happiness or relief. I have spent most of my life caring with reservation instead of recklessness....always making sure that I provide myself a "way out" or that i don't make myself too vulnerable in the process of caring. I want to love recklessly. I want to love the way I am loved. Here's something else that came to me when I read that line and began thinking about my life in relation to it. A friend of mine said once (about a year ago) that loving someone is a choice. That you make a choice to keep on loving a person every day. I was horrified when I heard that then and now i think,no i know, that statement is so very true. Oooshy Gooshy feelings fade. Even those you love the most try your patience and disappoint you and yes, even hurt you. The mark of loving someone, truly loving them, is that in spite of that (or maybe even partially because of that) you get up every day and choose to love them. I don't know why this is such an epiphany for me, but it is. I mean, that's the way we are loved by Jesus and we are supposed to be trying to model ourselves after Him but I have never done that. Not really. My love has been selfish and self-serving and fearful and skeptical. I want to love the way I am loved. I choose to care recklessly.